Yellow Tape Nightmares

Scene 1
“Good Day”

The morning started off as it normally would for Shawn but to him this day felt different. It was a Friday which means it was the start of the weekend. He got up and took care of his hygiene, got dressed and headed down stairs of his single room condo. He could see the sun hitting directly into the living room so he opened his blinds to let in the California sunshine. As he walked into the kitchen he heard a ring from his door bell. Hmm he wondered as he approached the door not expecting any company. As he went to open the door a loud bang projected from the hallway. He instantly could feel his ears ringing and his body fall to the ground. Vision blurry, so blurry he couldn’t make out the imagine that stood in front of him. As he laid on the ground grasping for air and getting himself off the ground he could feel something wet, It was his t-shirt covered in blood. Shawn had been shot in his abdomen and torso. He could hear someone wrestling around his condo breaking glass and flipping furniture around. Still helplessly lying on the ground Shawn reached in his pocket for his cell phone to call emergency. The intruder now up stairs rifling through spawns belongings trying to find valuables and cash. Shawn gets his phone out of his pocket with the little strength he had left. Vision still blurred but now Shawn had been bleeding mins but for him it felt like hours. First number 9…1…pow Shawn now knocked out. The intruder rushed back down stairs to check if Shawn had moved and saw him with the cell phone and struck him with a blow to the jaw.

Scene 2
“Yellow tape and nightmares”
Shawn was a hot shoot from the valley who was liked by many, Always smiling and just a genuinely nice person who came from nothing. You know the typical rags to riches story but his story was just a little bit different. It was at the age of 5 when Shawn saw his dad gunned down in front of him in his front yard after an argument with some guy down the street in the neighborhood. Shawn stood in the door way in shock at what he’d seen. The guys fled the scene after taking a head shot to Shawn’s father. It had been over money he owned the men. Shawn’s dad was a well-known hustler in the hood but he also had a heroin addiction and he was into some guys pockets deep and merely ended his life. Shawn ran to his father screaming at the top of his lungs and he approached. His fathers eyes stood open with a hole in his head. Shawn laid with his father until the paramedics arrived shortly after the hood heard the shot go off and a kid screaming. After that night Shawn’s life would never be the same. Now only he and his mom remained and she was never home always out partying staying out late doing lord knows what with lord knows who leaving Shawn to fend for himself. He often got into trouble at school from frustrations he’d been facing at home. No parental units to care for him it was do or die for him growing up. Shawn was self tough and used his life’s struggles to help strive to get out of the hell hole in which he lived. Roaches, overflowed dirty dishes in the sink, dirty floors and there was hardly any hot water. The electricity was off more than often because his mother didn’t pay the bills on time because she’d be either drunk or high and forget. To help Shawn through the days he’d listen to music and flirt with rapping and singing. Music was his getting away and potentially a life saver.
Scene 3
“Dedication”
Shawn dropped out of school his senior year and went straight into the work force. He wasn’t qualified to work most jobs so he got a job part-time at a local gas station to keep his head afloat. On his breaks he’d write music to make time go by, beating on the metal doors in the break room in the back on the alleyway. He’d normally be in the back by himself but one day his co-worker frank heard him spitting and liked the substance Shawn would drop. Shawn put his struggle in his songs and you could tell the passion he had for music because he would put every ounce of energy into his music when he had the chance. Frank was a guy who had been working at the gas station for a couple of years now, An older guy in his late 40’s who befriended Shawn. Over time he and Shawn bonded. Frank was an old wise guy, Shawn would always pick his brain seeking for knowledge that’d help him cope with life’s trails. Frank encouraged Shawn to stick with the music to pave his way of out the crappy situation he’s endured throughout his lifetime. Shawn took that advice and ran with it.
On weekends after work Shawn would put on shows at the local park with a radio and a mic. Whether anyone listened or not Shawn would rap and sing as if the world was listening. He’d make a little change during those times but nothing more than what he had been making at the gas station. Full of fortitude and dedication Shawn continued his journey to perfect his craft in music and within no time Shawn put together a mix tape called “yellow taped nightmares”. The mixtape was a hit, the hood loved it and got mad radio spin. The tape was raw and everyone in the hood could relate. The tape caught fire and came across a big time music label Rosecrans Records. Shawn’s life changed when they offered him a multi million dollar deal.
Scene 4
“Get yo Shine On”
Shawn immediately went on tour traveling the world seeing places he’d only dream of. Life felt unreal as if he was at a stand still. This is more than what I imagined and more Shawn thought to himself, but what Shawn didn’t know was what comes with fame is tribulations. While Shawn was rocking shows and traveling someone was learning on the side plotting on how to come up with the riches he’d gained over the years. Shawn wasn’t the bragging and flossing type, he was a class act and remained humbled. Shawn had moved from the slumps to the valley of the city of angels in a nice 2 story condo by himself. He’d occasionally have women over and a few associates but no one who was a stranger to his lifestyle. Shawn did have one person whom he trusted and that was his mother. He put her through rehab and got her all cleaned up but little did he know family can hurt you the most and run you right up a tree. His mom would usually drop in from time to time but would typically call before she’d arrive. Keep in mind his moms past wasn’t clean, she had been running the streets most her life. Like any good child would do Shawn got his mom on her feet and in good health. Although there was something he didn’t know about his mom, she was in deep in the pockets of a well-known hustler. Weeks had went by and Shawn hadn’t seen much of his mother but he’d still call in and check on her and she’d usually answer but lately she’d delay in response. He thought nothing of it thinking maybe she had been working late hours at her job. He would soon find out what she was up to.
Scene 5
“Addiction”
Shawn’s mom had been back in the streets on drugs again and spent every last dime just to get a hit. Since Shawn was big time now that went unnoticed by the hood so word got around town she was on the streets again. Shawn went looking for his mom all around town only to find trouble in the streets. Shawn went back to the old neighborhood to search for his mom and the block boys saw him shining and looking healthy.  But there was that one guy who had been hating on Shawn in the hood. So an old head from the block started beef and got at Shawn resulting in a fight, which Shawn won without a doubt. After the fight Shawn went on to search for his moms coming up short. The big time hustler in the hood found Shawn’s mom before he could. She was so deep in his pockets one could drown. “Maniac” was what they called him and he had talked Shawn’s mom into setting up Shawn to get the money she’d owe him, she was hesitant but she had no other choice so she did what she had to in order to stay alive. She gave up her sons address and the spots he kept his valuables and stash spot.
Scene 6
“The lick”
It was an early Friday maniac set the plan in motion after a week of plotting. He had taken Shawn’s mom along to ride for insurance. As he pulled up to the condo gate he had Shawn’s mom punch in the pass code to enter the gate. He pulled into the drive way and placed his car in park and grabbed his pistol. He told Shawn’s mom to keep in the car with his homie and had better not scream or make any noise to draw attention their way or else he’d kill her. He made his way up the stairs to the door and rang the door bell. Soon as the door opened maniac fired two shots hitting Shawn in the ab and chest. He quickly rushed in and ram shacked the condo searching for anything expensive looking and cash. Maniac cleaned house upstairs and then down stairs all while Shawn was lying on the ground covered in blood. He spotted Shawn trying to dial as he came down stairs so he hit him square in the jaw knocking him out. Maniac took his phone, broke it and ran out the house as he ran back to his truck. When he got to the truck he snatched Shawn’s mom out the truck, shot her in the stomach and sped off.
Scene 7
“DOA”
By the time Shawn came to it was 6 days later in the hospital with tubes and breathing respirator to keep him alive. He opened his eyes to a nurse calling his name until he came to. Dazed and confused Shawn face covered in every emotion signifying how terrified he was. The nurse had told him what happened to him and his mother. He had been shoot twice and his mother shot once DOA (dead on arrival). Shawn shut his eyes and tears fell. A min later Shawn went into shock and was rushed to surgery but they tried every thing they could but Shawn didn’t make it. The line went flat and Shawn was no more.
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Love Of My Life

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The love of my life I sincerely apologize for giving the best of my heart to undeserving, selfish women. I vowed to protect my heart while I repaired the damages I’ve caused. Although I may not be perfect I’ve been fighting to become the perfect one for you. The past relationships were lessons from the best teachers I know. Days leading to this very moment, those lessons have been studied so that on my next test, I’ll ace it with flying colors. My passion, desire, and fortitude to be the best person I know how will leading the way to ecstasy. I was such a foolish man before today. I let those who didn’t care about my heart intrude on something so sacred. I was so oblivious to the milicious intent that some individuals sat out to do. I truly thought that the love you show people would be reciprocated. Loyalty, a standard I dearly value and hold myself accountable to. You see throughout this life of mine I figured I’d sat out to surround myself with individuals with like minds and energy but there was an obstacle, I consider myself a lone wolf. Some use the word loner but I perfer to use lone wolf and the reason for that is because I’ve always been cognizant of the company I’ve kept. I haven’t always been the one to rush and open up to anyone especially women with the fear of what they’d do with the information in the event our relationship goes sour. I’ve been reserved and closed off for most of my life because I didn’t fully trust humans. The things I’ve seen humans do to other humans throughout my life struck a nerve. I never had a father growung up so I had to learn how to become a man from the ones around me. I had this ideal that apart of being a man was to never show emotions unless it was anger which I have no problem displaying. I was that kid who’d always find his way into a fist fight but that’s besides the fact. I’ve been preparing myslef to become a man a women could easily fall in love with despite my flaws. A nurturing heart who sincerely embraces my vulnerable heart and soul. I just ask that you the woman I love don’t break my heart because I guarantee I can’t survive another heartbreak. My eyes are out of tears, my heart is on it’s everlasting beats, my soul is exhausted at this point, and my mind is all out of fucks to give. I want you to confirm that this ideal I have about love is not just an illusion and that I’m not delusional. I promise that the love I have for you is one of a kind and no other woman has ever received my word is bond. You can thank all the teachers for teachers for helping me transform into this elite man I am today. Some of the individuals mostly responsible in pushing me to become elite every single day is Life, Death, Pain, Passion, Desire, Love, Hate, Time and god himself. “It’s about finding a new experience with someone you’d never thought you’d meet, who totally turns your life around completely…” In this instant you’ve taught me a valuable lessons no other women has ever taught me and that is you’ve showed me what love is all about. I now know what real life is all about and I have god to praise. I give it all to the almighty high power for sending me my angel, and my savior. Again I am sorry for giving the best of my heart to temporary women who weren’t ready for the love I brought. I can honestly say thoae past women may have gotten the best of my heart but you my love have the best version of my heart.

 

My Heart Your Heart

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Oh my have I been gone a long time. I can’t believe it’s already 2017. I feel like it’s a fresh start filled with multiple opportunities, new ideas, and ground breaking thoughts to help move my generation forward in this life. I know that my sole purpose is to be an inspiration to you readers whether it be complete strangers, associates, family and some friends. In the beginning of my journey I promised you something and I’m not sure if you remember. Well if you don’t or you are just tuning in I promised I’d work to become vulnerable not only to you but 1st to myself without self-pity or shame. As you may know this has been one hell of a fight for me and personally it’s ground breaking. It’s a new playing field for me, it’s out of my comfort zone but what the hell. I have no fear of being judged, looked down upon, hated or any other word I can use to describe being dislike. I admit I used to be scared of what others thought of me. I struggled with the way I presented myself all in the efforts of trying to impress my peers. I wanted to be liked and be in the in crowd but that wasn’t in the cards for me growing up. I wasn’t the kid who grew up with a solid foundation to stand on but the cracks in the foundation I did stand on helped shape who I am today. I am thankful for every trail and tribulation I have encounter in my lifetime because I’ve become a road warrior when it comes to facing obstacles in life. God is good and has given me some of my toughest test early on in life. He has built me up to be a fighter, a person with grace, charisma and fortitude. Today I am alive and I give him all the glory for what he has done for me. I’m not overly expressive when it comes to religion in front of people because I like me and the man upstairs relationship to remain private but I sure can praise him. Before I get into my recap of my year I’d like to thank all the people who have been branches on my tree of life and those who were leaves. Vital lessons have been taught and learned that were pivotal to my growth as a man so thank you guys from the bottom of my heart. There was a lot of progress made last year and I don’t want to dwell too much on the past but some things have to be addressed. Last year was a tough one to say the least bit filled with heart-break, lost friendships, love, loneliness, depression, great moments, new bonds, anger, and inspiration. There are plenty of words I could describe what I felt throughout the year and so can you. My only thought is did the positive outweight the negative? For me I truly have to say positivity always wins but I didn’t feel so confident in my answer as I typed it, maybe that’s just me being a paradox who knows. As you very well know by now I’m a man who’s been through it and I know your thinking so has everyone else who gives a shit right?! Well I do, it helps me measure my progress and that is what helps me to keep going. Last year I stuck my heart out and oh boy did it get stepped on. Now I imagined there would be a chance it’d happen but not in the fashion it did. I was a fool to think that someone could care for something so delicate. Am I mad? not at all. Am I bitter? not one bit. Am I hurt because of it? You can bet your ass. You see my philosophy on the human is quite simple, believe in the best in people until they give you a reason not to. So here I am laying it all on the line with grace and full of passion. I know there is not a single person in this world that can match my hearts passion but that didn’t stop me from what my heart desired. I envisioned this life where everyday was like a dream because I’d be waking up to something or I should say someone for eternity. It started off as what I described as a school boy crush because it was sincere yet I didn’t know what to do with it. I had told her I was ready for what love brought and I was head over heels for her. You see people this was no ordinary crush for me this shit had me feeling like I was in grade school asking a girl out for the first time. The emotions read nervous as fuck, fear of being shoot down, but faith in all things pointing towards feelings being reciprocated. I remember like it was yesterday when I wrote the text explain my thoughts, and feelings with empathy. I knew it was a lot to throw at a girl out of the blue but it had been brewing for what seemed like forever but that’s also how I knew it wasn’t a fluke. I know myself pretty well and I usually lose interest in a girl pretty quickly because they simply can’t keep my attention long enough or I  feel were not compatible but this one was different. Attention was paid to every aspect of this women. Her intellect complimented by good looks, and her willingness to grow as a person. Hell I was sold on the positive vibes she gave off. I’m all about living a positive influential lifestyle. I wanted to build a bond so strong that negativity wouldn’t ever dare to step foot in our lives. obstacles are apart of life but when two people are in tuned with one another it’s a sight to see. I wanted her to embark on this journey  with me hand in hand because I saw something evolving that was literally ground breaking. I’ve said this once and I’ll say it again my word is bond and I will never go back on it. My commitment to making this vision a reality was my motivation. I had been prepping myself to be the best man I could possibly be because that’s how much she meant to me. I remember we’d stay up til the we hours of the night conversing about random ish. Good morning text along with motivational messages to carry her through the day in the event the day turned upside down there was a bit of me there in spirit to lift her up. As time went by conversations began to get short til the point we hardly spoke. Things suddenly changed and before I knew it days turned into weeks and weeks turned in months. Talking became non existence and I wondered how did it get to this point. How could I be left in the cold about her true feelings after I was so honest and upfront. Funny how a woman can say she wants a good man and when one is right in front of her she either treats it like shit or deny it. Maybe it’s karma coming around full circle but then again I have my heart and mind in the right place. At this point in my life I feel like I’ve given all I can to a women. My only worry is if I have the strength to love in the same way ever again. I feel like I’ve exhausted every ounce of energy I had only to have my heart stepped on. I now come to realize how the good-hearted people become the coldest. It’s always the most undeserving people who takes the best of you. I only hope to match the level of love I once displayed to my future wife. A word to karma you got me and I’ll take my lost with my head held high. I truly know what it feels like to have a broken heart and I wish that upon no one. Your heart is what I no longer desire and you will never get the best of me ever again because you are unworthy. Your heart is not for my heart and I am ok with that.

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Respect Your Mind By Keeping it Open


We start with an ideal about thing or someone and along the way you tend to find your initial philosophy about that specific person or thing changes and now we are fighting to put back up the barriers we once created in order to protect ourselves which cripples our progress towards growing as a person. Everyone’s been hurt one time or another and we vowel never to let it happen again so we run into a hole, this hole full of anger, regret, depression and the feeling of betrayal. We were not born perfect, we all were not born walking and talking we learned how to develop these attributes and the same goes with life, it’s a learning process so we have to allow ourselves to grow and no it won’t happen over night but at least give yourself a chance to receive all the things life has to offer no matter what. Trails and tribulations are inevitable like night and day it’s up to the individual to allow one self to build and along the way let others help whether it be friends, family, or a significant other. The pleasure of receiving love, being nurtured, respected are only the few joys in life but a key factor to happiness. With the question of how can we ever be loved or love again after any tragic type of relationship ringing in our ears? We find peace and happiness within ourselves and allow someone to come along and help us build. It’s ok to ask for help, shutting the world out will only feed your initial philosophy about that specific person or thing thus effecting the progress in building yourself back up. Our hearts and minds are one and from time to time they aren’t in sync simply because life happens. In life we have choices and decisions and we live in a world where one affects the other but we won’t know if we’ve made the correct choice or decision until we make it. Later we learn from our choices and decisions whether positive or negative. Just remember in life we have to accept ourselves for who we truly are before we can accept others for who they truly are without our philosophy effecting our choices and decisions!

Caged Bird

 

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I’ve been MIA for a while and I apologize for that but life has had me in the fast lane and haven’t been able to sit down and write. I did write a song or two while I was away. This song is inspired by a friend who I share deep conversations and nurture through this crazy lifetime. You see some folks struggle to find the words to describe their realities but through life’s experiences the cat that once had my tongue is now gone. I wrote this song and dedicated this to my friend and anyone else who feels like they are trapped inside their own paradox. I’m here to tell you it’s going to be alright it gets greater later! Take your time with life and take it one step at a time. I’ve been in this position before but I fought and fought like hell to break from the cage I was in. Mind over matter! Song by yours truly Journeyman Q!

“She was a
Caged bird
Her parents
Clipped her wings
When she
Tried to get away
And grab her things
Her parents
Found a way
To infiltrate
Her dreams
Ambition stripped away
It was a
One way street
Buried by negativity
She was 6 feet deep
Until she met a man
He said listen to me
As beautiful
As you are
You haven’t
Reached yo peak
So She sat down
And let
The lyrics n’sync
Im know
Life has taken you
up and down
Shits creek
And i can
Tell you
First hand
Boy that
Shit stink
This is only
The beginning
Boy shit gets deep
Self conscious
And you
Care about
What they think
The opinions
Of peasants
Shouldn’t make
You think
Yea life’s
a bitch and
This shit
Ain’t sweet
Fuck all
Yo followers
On twitter and Ig
They don’t
Know yo life
They just
Takin a peak
Waitin on your
Come up
So they can take
A seat
Not everyone
Around you
Authentic yo see
Family not exempt
They will Run you
up a tree
Stressin you about
Who and what
You aspire
To be
But your Visionary
You already
Planted yo seeds
And the roots
Of your thoughts
Are beyond
What they
Can see
But i understand
Becuz its
Happened to me
We’re a new
Age of thinkers
And they’re
A new age
Of sleep
If you believe
In what i tell you
Then get
On your feet
Your no longer
A caged bird
I just
Set you free
Sky is the limit
Let the whole
World see
Once a Caged bird
But now
Caged bird free”

We are all fighting our own personal battles for what has felt like an eternity, but take my word for it, you will make it through. You may bend but you won’t break. To all of you I love you and hang on for dear life because your worth it.

 

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Be Faithful To your Realities

 

How faithful are you to your life’s reality? Do you understand the context of the question? Yes? No? OK here’s the thing, I recently had a conversation with a person and they were struggling with their pass, and their present life. I sat in silence and listened. I could hear the pain in the tone in which the story was being told. Her eyes filled with confusion and frustration and at about part ways through the story I could feel every bit of the vibes she’d brought to the conversation. Before the conclusion of her life synopsis I drifted towards her and with open arms squeezed her tight with every ounce of affection I had in my body. We stood in silence for what felt like several minutes with our arms locked. I could fell my shirt get moist, tears consistently rolled down her cheeks with her head lying on my chest trying desperately to avoid eye contact. I could tell she felt a bit embarrassed crying in front of me but all I saw was a person starting to respect her reality. After we separated we sat down and I was asked what should I do? I sat back and thought for a second on how to approach this question without prejudice and complete honesty. I responded with compassion offering suggestions on how to approach the situation at hand without having to burn anymore energy and emotion. Anyone who knows me knows I don’t pass judgment and offer my most sincere input on whatever one is going through. This specific girl couldn’t quite comprehend why she wasn’t at the point of her life where she imagined it’d be. The place she had imagined was that similar to the fairy tale ending or beginning to a happy life we all would hope for. Graduate college and along the way find that one special person to spend the rest of your breathes with. Have beautiful children and live in a house with the white picket fence. But then there’s reality you have to contend with. Having to deal with the daily life stress of being a college honor student, along with several heart breaking relationships. I asked her a simple question, are you faithful to your realities? She looked at me with eyes of confusion. I repeated the question to confirm it was indeed the question I wanted answered. I could tell she was searching for a response but a cat had her tongue. I suggested she sit back and take her time to respond because I wanted her to thoroughly focus on the question and not so much on her response. I wasn’t trying to sound smart or belittle her with a complicated question but rather get her to think about the wave she’d been riding throughout life. In other words I asked if you taken the time to acknowledged your life’s entity. You see sometimes we are so caught up chasing after what we want in life, on our own path without stopping to check if we’ve swerved out of our lane. So we’re stuck wondering why we aren’t where we want to be not knowing all along life has tried to slow you down and get you back on track but you never take the time to stop. Your life’s realities are merely the results of the time you’ve taken to respect the life path you decided to take. So she asks “why is my life’s reality different from the life I envision myself to have at this point of my life? I simply replied “respect the life you have today by being grateful for the present moments you take for granted”. I don’t think you take the time to respect the present enough to even for fill your future ambitions. Once you’ve taken the time to appreciate the gifts the present has to offer you, move on to being sincere and faithful to those realities and everything else will fall in place. Remember the future is out of our control and trying to alter the results of your life’s realities will only led you further away from your future envisions. Take the time to get to know love before giving away something so precious and rare. It’s all too many times we don’t even give love a chance to develop within us because we are trying to fill a void of empty affection. Give yourself a shot to connect with yourself emotionally, physically, and intellectually and once you’ve done that, then find someone to inspire. It’s all about helping one another build and work on themselves. Keep in mind from time to time in life people will come along and knock down a piece of the structure you’ve worked so hard on building but don’t let a few bad brick be cancerous to your entire structure. Luckily for us life gives us new bricks to repair the cracks, bumps, lumps and partially broken foundations we endure along the building process as long as we acknowledge our life realities that lead us to the point we needed new bricks. As I attempted to explain my metaphorical expressions she stopped me with her new profound eyes confirming she caught my drift. The ahh look was on the horizon and I smiled because at that moment I knew she had a new outlook on her life’s realities. Try your best to consistently be respectful and faithful to your life’s realities as it is to you. “Life is not a problem to be solved, But a reality to be experienced”-Soren Kierkegaard

 

 

 

Your Lessons Grind Too

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The grind is silent but the results are loud. In all aspects of life. We grind for the dream we aspire, but before you can have new dreams the old ones have to be taken away. We all have different dreams and for some of us they never change. Life isn’t a race against time but rather the quality of life you live. You see in life were given the answers, it’s only a few that sit down and actually listen. The signs are there you just have to expand your mind in order to see it. The test is given later in life so that when your faced with these situations your prepared to contend with them. We may not get all the answers to the test but that’s what life is for. Lesson’s are to learned not taught. We can read all the books on the subject of life, love and the pursuit of happiness but they only go as far as the walls you read them in, and that’s because life is real, love is real, and happiness is real. If your looking for happiness and you can’t find it, it’s because it’s a state of mind and not a destination you arrive at. If your looking for unconditional love and you can’t find it, it’s because you may be already receiving it, you just have to accept it and if your trying to figure out life, don’t because life is for the living and not to be solved. My thoughts and feelings are of a philosophical nature. I have the experiences of life to thank and so should you. Be thankful for the lessons you’ve learned and the ones you may encounter in the near future. Life maybe a little rough and rugged but we have to roll with the punches. Don’t beg for mercy in the face of adversity rather welcome new challenges with grace and confidence. Speak positively into your life and you’ll find yourself in a better place. Your brain will believe anything you tell it so talk to yourself as if you were giving the advice and not receiving it. I feed off positive energy and I want to motivate those around me so they too can see the world with a broader perspective. I read if you have lots of follows you should take them somewhere, well there’s a seat next to me for this journey ride we call life have a seat. #JourneymanQ